Which Kind of Girl are You?
By: Molly Crosby
October 29, 2015
How does a woman go about being beautiful? Beth Moore did a study on Esther where she identifies four types of women.She says the four types are: “1) A woman who wants everyone to think she is beautiful. She is miserable. 2) A woman who wants all men to think she is beautiful. She is dangerous. 3) A woman who doesn’t want anyone to think she is beautiful. She is terrified. 4) A woman who longs only for a few people to find her beautiful, maybe her spouse, children, parents, siblings or some select friends. This is a rare, well-balanced woman.” If you and I were really good friends, I might admit to you that for most of my adolescent and adult life I have fallen into the first three categories. By the grace of God and by His hand alone, I have been released into the fourth distinction.
It began in 2008 when my husband, Mason, and I got married. Mason had already been in the NFL for a year and our nuptials were right on the heels of my graduation from college. A move to Green Bay and fifteen pounds later (thank you, Cold Stone) found me facing a challenge I found baffling. What does it look like to be married to a professional football player? I missed school and a syllabus that took the guesswork out of success. In fact, that is how I had approached my life to that point. Figure out how to get the A, pat on the back, award, etc. and then pursue it relentlessly. Only real life doesn’t work that way, as I was about to find out.
Football season of 2012 started without much fanfare. Mason was going into his sixth season in the NFL. At that point in his career we had seen highs and lows both professionally and in our personal lives, but for the time being things seemed stable. As we worked our way through the schedule, things started to feel tense. Reporters questioned if he could follow up his success from the year before and were concerned that he was missing too many field goals too early. Week 5 the contest was in Indianapolis. Mason went 0-2 on field goals on the Packers’ way to a 7-point loss. The questions now turned into public outcry. We received a mix of pity and rage and even a few death threats, compliments of Twitter. The season continued and the pressure increased. We both dreaded Tuesdays, wondering if this was the week the phone would ring and Mason would be released.
Anger was the emotion that came most naturally to me. If only the reporters and bloggers would consider the situation differently. If only the fans understood that Mason was doing his best. If only one of his teammates could help him puzzle out what wasn’t working. If only. Any book I could get my hands on to teach me how to pray for my husband I read. I studied the women on the team more closely whose walk with the Lord I looked up to or whose husbands were having success on the field. I was determined to figure out the answer.
Then God spoke to me. It was an encounter like I had never experienced before, just clear as day the words came from my Father and rang in my heart. I knew the truth of them immediately. If only Mason had a wife who supported him.
Answers came crashing down on me, and I cried as I realized how far off the mark I had been. I had become a veritable expert on being “a good Christian wife,” but I never considered Mason’s heart in the midst of all that instruction. I wanted my marriage and my support to look like other women I admired, missing that at the heart of their decisions was a love for God and their husbands, not a formula or prescription for thriving in the NFL.
Decisions suddenly became simple, although that certainly doesn’t mean they were easy. All of that criticism I had pent up towards others I let drop from my fingers as I reflected on the requests my husband had made and the dreams of his heart that I had been neglecting. God told me to stop looking and start listening. To live my life rather than someone else’s adventure. I got more comfortable saying “no,” aware that the season is short, the weeks are jam-packed and that our family time was worth defending. It no longer concerned me that I be perceived as a perfect NFL wife, front and center at every charity event or that others—be it family, church members, or peripheral friends— felt I deserved the opportunities that I have. I felt secure treasuring my accountability to God and being invaluable to my family. Furthermore, none of this paradigm shift had to do with Mason having a perfect season or even a long NFL career. It centered around being the woman, wife, and mother that God created me to be.
Merriam-Webster defines beautiful as “having qualities of beauty or being generally pleasing.” I think Beth Moore was closer to the mark with her fourth category. I think it is worth it to try and be that rare woman who longs for God’s approval and is focused on the relationships that matter. Our marriage is not perfect, and it is by the grace of God that our family is intact (and growing!). All glory goes to God that I can say without a doubt I am closer to my Savior now than I was seven years ago when we said our vows. However, God captures your heart to long for His approval and seek to be who He created you to be, don’t be afraid of His call. He doesn’t make mistakes, and you are no exception!
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me,” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye,” (Matthew 7:3-5).