Where Are You?

April 29, 2016

The first question God asks in the Bible is in Genesis 3. It is after Eve has fallen to the temptation and deceit of Satan, she has appleeaten the forbidden fruit, as did Adam. Their nakedness becomes apparent to them and they are ashamed when God calls to them, Where are you?” God asks a question when he already knows the answer. He is the all-knowing God, yet still he asks. Are you available?

After homeschooling for seven years, all of my boys were in a traditional school setting. It had been a wonderful experience teaching and learning with them, but it was a grind. Every day was scheduled with assignments and reading both for them and me. I prepared on Sunday nights for the week ahead; chapters to be read, questions to be answered, tests to be taken. The mornings began at 8am and the day finished when the work was done. Every hour after was scheduled with pleasure reading time, board games, outings, play dates etc. My days were carefully planned by the hour.

Things changed drastically when they were all away in school. I believed I deserved to not have a schedule for a while. I would just fly by the seat of my pants. Doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. I was productive volunteering and socializing, but there was a lot of wasted time with distractions. Distractions that led to feelings of not belonging or being worthy, fear of what people thought and said, having no energy or desire to fight through the feelings and do anything.

grand centralI wasted a great deal of my life living by the seat of my pants, lost in unfocused busyness. As a walking, believing, committed Christian, I wasted opportunities for the Lord to do His work. I was living on my own ability, ignoring His desires. My heart had grown distant and weak. I no longer heard God speak to me, guiding and leading me. I made myself unavailable.

Even though I wasted opportunities to serve Him, I know He called out to me. Where are you? As I ran away in fear, distracted, sad, feeling unworthy, He called. I ran farther, or sat still, hiding. He called. Are you available? He seems farther and farther away when the distance is my doing. Anger begins to rage inside when circumstances are overwhelming. Where are you God? Why me? The distance has become a divider to Him, not because God is not there, but because we rely on our abilities, not His. Is He there?

He is there.

Calling.

Loving.

God is always there. Our hearts are distant. We disconnect from Him little by little; fear, doubt, unworthiness. He keeps calling. We need to listen.

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!” Isaiah 3:18

 He is a compassionate and relational God, longing to be gracious to us. Choosing to seek God and build a relationship with Himcross and fog mountain allows us to begin to respond to our heart conditions and seek the opportunities He lays out before us.

 Go: “Here I am Lord.”

 Confess: Lord I have become distant. I want to hear your call. I feel fear, doubt, and unworthiness. My heart is not pure and I want you to purify me.

Ask: Purify my heart. Give me eyes to see You in all your splendor. Open my heart to be available to You. Use me.